Date a Man of Hope

by Eric Santillan

I am reposting this because men of hope are needed now more than ever in our history.

I read the essay Date a Man Who Dreams the other day and I was inspired to write this because I feel there is something greater than dreams. And that is hope.

Date a man who hopes. He will be a great companion. You can rant all you want, and he will be there to hold your hand. He will see things differently and give you perspective. You can tell him your problems, and he will listen to you, and while he may not have all the solutions, he knows there is one. In fact, he also knows that sometimes the ‘solution’ is really just to listen to you without giving advice.

Date a man who hopes. He will go through shit, but will be okay. He will have the capacity to wait things out, the patience not to make any drastic decisions, and the belief that the story is not ended if the story ends in tragedy. He has wrestled with life but is so much better because of it.

Date a man who hopes. You will have your ups and downs, you will fight and hate each other’s guts, and you will forget why you love each other in the first place, but a man who hopes will hold on to you, because he knows things will get better, and you will eventually remember. A man who hopes already lives out the promise of “in sickness and in health til death do us part” in his life. Commitments are made in hope–in promising to be together today, but also promising to be together even in a future you don’t really know and cannot really understand.

Date a man who hopes. He will make plans, but he is not rattled when things don’t go as he carefully planned them. He knows there is more to life than that. He lives in awe and wonder and has the capacity to be surprised. He lives life lightly and easily, sees humor in every situation and will make you laugh at yourself, and himself. During times of happiness, you’d want a man like that to be with you.

But it is during times of pain and sadness that a man who hopes truly shines.

A man who hopes knows that while life is aweful, it can also be awe-filled. A man who hopes does not see life as perfect and does not expect perfection out of life. He also does not expect perfection out of a partner. He lives in the tensions, and understands the paradoxes of life. For him, life is not black and white. He has the capacity to analyze and is comfortable with the gray. He knows that life is not just in the actual choosing, but in the weighing of options. That life is not just in the destination, but in the process. Because of this, he is compassionate and accepting of people. He does not impose himself on other people, but believes in people’s capacity for compassion. He understands that people make mistakes, but he also knows that people are basically good willed, if you let them. He is not idealistic, but he has ideals.

A man of hope is a man of faith. He believes that he is part of something bigger and that there is always something greater than him or you or the relationship you are in. He knows that he is not the center of the universe and the world does not revolve around him. He does not feel singled out when things don’t go his way. He does not go through life thinking he’s a victim. He sees the potential for good in every situation. He has baggages, but he has found a way to gracefully live with them.

Date a man of hope. He will let things slide because he knows that he does not have to win all battles. He does not have to win all arguments. He does not see life as debate, but conciliation. And because of this, he also knows how to say sorry because he knows that while life is not perfect, both of you could make it better.

A man of hope does not suffer from an impoverishment of imagination. He is not blind to the events around him, but he knows that things will be better because he believes in a world that has a better record than the cynics will care to admit. During times of sadness and loneliness and depression, you’d want a man like that to be with you.

Date a man of hope. He is not a flash in the pan but will endure. He might not sweep you off your feet at the first instance, but you will love him during the good times, and during the bad times. And when you’re both old and gray, he will be there, right next to you, still holding your hand.